04: A Mother Diagnosed

An HIV diagnosis can cause many reactions in people. There may be fear, anger, uncertainty or a combination of all of the above. In 1985, there was another factor that was a dominant force of the time and that was stigma. For Ebony, this was her introduction to HIV. Ebony’s husband was diagnosed in 1985 but she didn’t fully realize the severity of HIV and AIDS in those early days when so much was unknown. She continued with her life until 1989 when she was tested for HIV herself and came back with a positive diagnosis. In her case, her T cell count was so low, she was diagnosed with AIDS and the initial prognosis was not good. She had likely been HIV positive since 1985 and going without any treatment for all those years, as she didn’t see any signs or symptoms.

She told a friend of the diagnosis and asked what she knew about AIDS but instead of support, Ebony began feeling the backlash of an AIDS diagnosis. Her friend was spreading news of her diagnosis to friends and neighbors. Ebony was then greeted with the message, “AIDS Lives Here” scrawled across her apartment door. The change in her life began to set in and she realized the challenge that was before her. Ebony learned more about AIDS and after going through a period of stress and depression, she began to work on how to deal with this new reality. She began to talk with service organizations in the area and received counsel on how to prepare her estate and to think about how her children would be cared for after her passing.

Then Ebony got angry. “I’m not planning to die,” she said. “I prayed and set goals to be with my kids. They needed me and I wasn’t going to leave them.” Rather than accepting the diagnosis as a death sentence, Ebony was going to fight and do everything she could to be there for her kids. As a parent, it’s impossible to look at your children and think of them suffering in any way. They are the love of your life and the thought of losing them or being away from them can be devastating. Rather than accepting a fate, she was determined to change it.

She believes that people with HIV can achieve success and need to continue to work toward what they want to accomplish rather than focus on how the disease can hold them back.

Ebony had a degree in communications but after seeing problems and challenges that people with HIV faced in finding healthcare and support, she wanted to find a way to help and also push people to strive forward with their lives after a diagnosis. She went back to school in order to learn more about, and prepare for, a career in social work. Ebony has worked in a variety of roles over the past 15 years to advance the opportunities for people living with HIV in Minnesota. She believes that people with HIV can achieve success and need to continue to work toward what they want to accomplish rather than focus on how the disease can hold them back.

As an African American woman, she also sees the disproportionate rates of HIV in that community with concern. “We have to come together around the disease” to address the needs of people with HIV and the challenges around it, said Ebony. While there are differences in how communities view each other, we need to recognize that there is a single community of people with HIV and we need to offer a supportive environment and effective prevention education.

Today, Ebony is a grandmother that focuses her attention on her family and her work of helping others. After more than 20 years living with HIV, the model of goal setting she adopted in the beginning serves her well today. She reminds us all that “AIDS doesn’t have a look, and you can’t tell by seeing someone,” but rather we need to continue to work at educating everyone about the disease and supporting those living with the disease without pity but with respect for what they can achieve. Ebony continues to set goals that drive her and motivate her. Her current goal is to “continue to do what I do to advocate for all women and men living with HIV. I really would like to be the glue that pulls, and hold the different communities together.”

Last Updated: Friday, February 15, 2008
Questions about our Web site? Email webmaster@mnaidsproject.org

Content Notice: This site contains HIV prevention messages that may not be appropriate for all audiences. Since HIV infection is spread primarily though sexual practices or by sharing needles, prevention messages and programs may address these topics. If you are not seeking such information or materials, please exit this Web site.